I am not ashamed to admit it – I love Starbucks. I hated it at first, but that ultra-strong coffee has grown on me like a benign tumor and I have no plans to get rid of it. The first sip of my soy iced coffee in the spring and summer, to the little bit of cinnamon-y foam on my soy Americano in the winter – those are the little things that perk me up in the mornings. Well, that and the fact that it goes great with ANY of my omelettes which usually contain bacon. So maybe it's Starbucks AND bacon that I look forward to. Anyway..
I also appreciate that after just a few trips to the local Starbucks, the baristas know you and have your order ready to go. Efficiency and alertness at 8:30 am? Check. Friendly smile? Check. Ability to hear and pass along your name to three different people without slaughtering it? Fail. I can't say this enough. FAIL FAIL FAIL. For the past 9 months or so, I have been chronicling (on Facebook, mainly) the obvious abortions of my name with cellphone pics. It's not exactly a hard name, which is partly why it's so funny to me, but also because people have been destroying my name since I can remember. I had a teacher in high school who called me Dannon. Yes, like the yogurt. So this is just some proof in writing. On beverages.
I noticed this trend started to catch on to some of my friends as well. They, too, were victim of this Starbucks-name-homocide. So before some pimple-faced post-grad who still lives in his moms basement with a laptop makes millions off of this, please see below for a roundup of some of my best Starbucks-Name-Fails and remember that I was the ORIGINAL. It amazes me that they can rattle off the words "Venti triple shot, half-caf, no foam, with whip, sugar-free vanilla extra-hot latte!" with ease, but DARA is too difficult. D.A.R.A. Ok I've vented enough. Or VENTI-d enough. Get it?
As I was just browsing through the photos, I forgot that they actually got it RIGHT not too long ago, and have since then STOPPED writing my name on the cups. It's like they know…
Oh and on a totally separate note – who's excited for the TRENTA?! SO MUCH COFFEE I'M SO EXCITED I'M GOING TO PEE MYSELF. Seriously though. Coffee is a natural diuretic….
See. I'm not sure I can illustrate how embarrassing it is to walk up to the counter to get my drink after the barista yells out "Grande soy Americano for DAVE!" As I hang my head and slink up to the counter..