Broken Face Diet: How To Eat Mozzarella Sticks

So here I am with yet another tip on how to still be a fatass even when you can’t really chew. Got a craving for mozzarella sticks? NO PROBLEM. I am here to help. Here’s what you do:

1. Get yourself a bowl of French Onion Soup (if it doesn’t have all the gooey cheese on top, you fucked up already).

2. Insert mozz stick. Let it sit for a couple. Let it be. Let it bathe in the salty, oniony goodness.

3. Remove from soup and enjoy.

I'm a genius.
I’m a genius.

If you’re a mozz stick purist, you may not enjoy the lack of crunch, but I have to do what I have to do and I’d appreciate if you take your judgment elsewhere. You gotta get creative to get what you want sometimes, and just because it’s not perfect, doesn’t mean it’s not beautiful.

I don’t even know if I’m talking about mozz sticks anymore.

And hey – mozz stick purists! You can email me here: Let’s be friends.



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