Happy New Year! Resolutions You Should Try

I hate the idea of resolutions. They’re forced and let’s face it, hardly anyone actually sees them through. I get the whole idea behind “new year, new you”, but guess what? If you were a piece of shit on December 31st, 2016, chances are you’ll still be a piece of shit on January 1st, 2017.

Sorry, but…why does it have to be January in order for you to get your shit together? Is there something fundamentally wrong with every other month that prevents you from losing weight, quitting smoking, or learning to cook?

NOPE. But thanks media and society for brainwashing us into believing we are determined and capable human beings for only the first month out of the entire year.

If you find that the new year gives you motivation to take charge of your life and do something good for yourself, then by all means, run with it. But if you lose your grip on it and fall off the resolution wagon, here’s a tip that will blow your mind:


February! April! EVEN OCTOBER!! You can be good to yourself, your body, and other people all days and months throughout the year.

So now that I’m done being a wise ass (for now), I’d like to propose a new “resolution”: DON’T MAKE ONE. And if you do make one, make it a state of mind you’re working on adopting. I think overall that’s the healthiest option. I’m all for goal setting, but a lot of times that can be a real good way to get depressed IF you don’t achieve said goal. It’s like setting yourself up for failure. I like to make my goals in attainable terms and reasonable timelines. I also make them in a short list (similar to a To-Do List), so it doesn’t feel as overwhelming.

Let’s call these “New Resolutions” instead of “New Year’s Resolutions”. Yes I like that. *pats self on the back*

New Resolutions

  1. Stop Putting Pressure on Your Life. Do what you want and do it on your own time. If I was living my life according to someone else’s timetable, I’d be married with two kids already. Not for me. If you feel bad about where you are in life, stop feeling sorry for yourself and realize that you also have the ability to change it. It takes time and it may not be easy, but it will be worth it. And if you don’t even know what you want yet, that’s fine! THAT’S. FINE. Take control of your life and things will start falling into place a lot quicker. I’m 32 and I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing, but I’m excited about that and I’m ok with it. 
  2. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others. Don’t let society, social media, or friends make you feel bad about where you are. I didn’t like being in sales, and my friends had been telling me for YEARS to give that shit up and go “do something with food”. I never had a clear vision of what that meant (neither did they, apparently), and it took me years to let go of the idea of semi-corporate, 9-6 life (and a steady paycheck, which I will admit I miss sometimes), but I stopped convincing myself that sales was what I “had to do”. I took a big risk by jumping into this blogging/writing/cooking life, and you know what? I’ve never been more certain that it’s the better path for me. And I’m actually happy. It has it’s ups and downs, but as the late great Frank Sinatra says…that’s life. If it doesn’t end with my own Food Network show, bacon brand, and cookbook empire, then whatever. The world will be sad without it, I’m sure, but at least I’ll know I tried. 
  3. Learn How to Cook Basic Things. If you’re above the age of 22, you should know how to make some simple dishes, even if they’re just for you. How to hard boil an egg is the question I get asked the most, so here is my recipe for that. Cover eggs with water in a medium pot. Bring eggs to a boil. Shut off the heat once they come to a rolling boil. Cover the pot and remove from heat. Let sit for 13 mins EXACTLY and then peel. They’re done and they will be perfect. There are also tons of meal delivery services that aid in the process of cooking. I tried HelloFresh recently and loved it, and there’s always Blue Apron, the OG. 
  4. Eat What You Want, But Eat Less of It. If you want to lose weight, try this method. People ask me all the time how I stay in shape, and while I’m not at my “ideal weight” right now, overall I’m in good shape and shockingly, good health. I exercise a few times a week, and I portion control. The portions are about 80% of it and I’m not joking. It took a lot of hard work on my end to discipline myself this way when it comes to eating, but once it becomes a lifestyle, it’s not a hard thing to do. I don’t starve (anymore), and I also don’t ever feel deprived of the things I love. I eat half or 3/4 of whatever is on my plate. And if I’m at an event or a wedding (something where variety is the issue), I take one of everything. If I’m staring at a buffet with pigs in a blanket, baked clams, stuffed mushrooms, etc, I take one pig in a blanket, one baked clam, one mushroom. You get the point. I get a taste but I don’t overdo it. 
  5. Trim the Fat. I mean this metaphorically – because fat is flavor, but it’s also bad for you. This can be applied to your friend circle as well. Sure, they bring flavor and excitement to your life, but too much of it can get problematic. I’m not saying stop having fun, but look at the TYPE of fun you’re having. Are you partying too hard, too often when you’re with them? Or are they just giant assholes who talk shit about people and bring negativity? Welp. You know where that can go. Right down the drain with the other fat. Completely unnecessary. Life is short and you should spend it with people who build you up and make you feel good about yourself. And you should do the same for your friends. This is a 2-way street. 
  6. Read More. Seriously, whatever happened to reading a good book? This generation is fucked sideways but there’s still hope!! I’m not saying that reading a book will save the world but maybe it will bring some of that old school mentality back. Talking to people instead of texting, doing things that don’t require a charger, nahmsayin? I’m guilty of tech-saturation too sometimes, but I love reading (and writing, can you tell?) and it’s still one of my favorite ways to take a mental break. 
  7. Make a New Habit. And a habit doesn’t need to be a bad thing. I have a habit of getting up early and writing. It’s the best time to do it – no distractions, no interruptions. It took a little while to get used to it, but definitely the best habit I’ve ever created. It used to be getting up early to go to the gym, but this is why I have resolutions 1, 2, and 4.

Good luck and Godspeed, kids. You can do it.

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