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Quesarito fire sauce

Broken Face Recipe: Quesarito Lasagna

In Food and Drink, Recipes On October 15, 2014 0 Comments

This is real.

Nothing has ever been more real.

Well, maybe the struggle is. With 3 weeks to go, I am starting to get a bit antsy. I miss crunchy tacos and I DON’T EVEN LIKE CRUNCHY TACOS. I mostly just miss my beloved Taco Bell. So, during an unfortunate battle with insomnia, I came up with this gem. I attribute said insomnia to excessive hunger from this “diet” I’ve been on…my stomach growls so loudly it wakes me up. Seriously.


Broken Face Recipe: Buffalo Wing and Blue Cheese Omelette

In Food and Drink, Foodie Fun, Recipes On October 13, 2014 0 Comments

Last night I did something stupid…

I tried to eat wings.

Comic Con truck

Broken Face Diet: Stuff I Still Can’t Eat Via Comic Con

In Food and Drink, Foodie Fun, Reviews On October 10, 2014 0 Comments

End of week 3 is upon us, people! I know you care a lot.

On top of being beyond agitated with the fact that I can’t eat most real foods still, I got some scrumptious samples in the mail the other day that I couldn’t fully enjoy. Wikia, the social universe for fans and superfans, has teamed up with Comic Con to make a bunch of “fantasy” themed foods. Then, the Wikia communities participated in a Fantasy Food Bracket Tournament, and these dishes were the ones that made it to the top. Now, Superfans can indulge in their favorites at Comic Con today (the 10th) and tomorrow (the 11th) at the Fantasy Food Truck parked inside the Javits Center (North Corridor). Here they are below, followed by my lame attempt to experience them:

Makin bacon pancakes..makin bacon pancakes...

Makin bacon pancakes..makin bacon pancakes…

1. Nuka Cola: This blue concoction exploded a little upon delivery so I imagine that wasn’t supposed to happen. Then again, it’s Comic Con?

2. Bacon Pancakes: Please. Think I won’t push through the pain and smash it with my fist to get that in my system.

3. Smile Dip: Not a chance in hell. This shortbread cookie with funky pink icing was like a hockey puck to me. It looked good though – I’m sure people with normal chewing capabilities would have enjoyed it.

4. Meat The Band-Wich: A small slider of meats on a potato bun. I…took it apart and ate it because I can’t bite into sandwiches. It’s seriously sad, but this one I really enjoyed; there’s bacon, turkey, and steak on it. I miss steak so much.

5. Make it So, No. 7: If you haven’t had No. 7 Sub yet, you’re missing out on one of the greater things in life. This unusual sandwich shop was a staple of mine when I worked by the one in Flatiron. They add things like chips, deep fried pickles, and all kinds of random ingredients to their sandwiches. This one particular sub was too big for my jaw opening (refrain from jokes please), but I tasted it as best as I could and it was pretty good. Anytime a sandwich has BBQ potato chips on it, it’s hard to be bad. I believe the sub shop will also be giving you 20% off of these while they are still available.

So. That’s the story of my sad existence. If you’re going to Comic Con, check it out and report back on the things I can’t ingest.

3 weeks left…

*cries self to sleep with a bowl of pudding

french onion soup

Broken Face Diet: How To Eat Mozzarella Sticks

In Food and Drink, Foodie Fun On October 9, 2014 0 Comments

So here I am with yet another tip on how to still be a fatass even when you can’t really chew. Got a craving for mozzarella sticks? NO PROBLEM. I am here to help. Here’s what you do:

1. Get yourself a bowl of French Onion Soup (if it doesn’t have all the gooey cheese on top, you fucked up already).

2. Insert mozz stick. Let it sit for a couple. Let it be. Let it bathe in the salty, oniony goodness.

3. Remove from soup and enjoy.

I'm a genius.

I’m a genius.

If you’re a mozz stick purist, you may not enjoy the lack of crunch, but I have to do what I have to do and I’d appreciate if you take your judgment elsewhere. You gotta get creative to get what you want sometimes, and just because it’s not perfect, doesn’t mean it’s not beautiful.

I don’t even know if I’m talking about mozz sticks anymore.

And hey – mozz stick purists! You can email me here: Let’s be friends.



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Broken Face Recipe: Oreo Milk (and Cookies)

In Food and Drink, Recipes On October 7, 2014 0 Comments

I don’t know that you can call this a “recipe”, so much as it is something I did as a child and it translates well to my needs at the moment. With 4 weeks left, I am sort of able to chew…still needs to be soft and mushy things, but it’s getting there! Exciting times ahead…

So what did I do when I was craving a stack of Oreos?? I soaked them in milk, ate them, and then drank the milk. Move over, Momofuku. Oreo milk is better than Cereal Milk. Alright I don’t know about that but you can’t hate on Oreo milk…

Prepare to meet your fate, Oreos.

Prepare to meet your fate, Oreos.

Oreo Milk (and Cookies)

1 cup of milk

2 Oreos

0 fucks (optional)

Soak for a few minutes until a little mushy, then eat them. Or mash them up in the milk and drink. Really, you’re the boss here.

This recipe is clearly very easily doubled, depending on your need for Oreos. I only had 2, and frankly I may have put in more milk than just 1 cup. I promise my other recipes are more accurately measured. Though if you need a recipe like this to be accurately measured, I’m not sure there’s much hope for you as a cook or even as a person.

The truth hurts sometimes.


(4 weeks left)

baked potato cat

Broken Face Diet: Rice Pudding and Baked Potatoes

In Food and Drink, Foodie Fun On October 4, 2014 0 Comments

So. Tonight was a low one. I had chicken soup and a baked potato topped with guacamole for dinner. Underseasoned guacamole, I might add. I didn’t take a pic because it looked like the Grinch barfed all over my plate (so instead I posted that pic above of a cat/baked potato hybrid with death ray laser beams coming out of it’s eyes). It could have been worse, but it also could have been a juicy burger topped with blue cheese and bacon. *wishes on a star*

So…yea. I have four weeks left and I’m already losing my shit.

However, the silver lining came in the form of a packaged dessert. I had some rice pudding that I ordered from Fresh Direct AND GUESS WHAT? It was delicious! I mean, it was no Rice to Riches (love you guys), but it absolutely hit the spot and took care of any bland potato/guac aftertaste. It was creamy, thick (but not too thick), and just sweet enough with a touch of vanilla. Hit it with a dash of cinnamon and you’re set. I could definitely eat rice pudding every day. In this case…I kind of have to. *laughs maniacally*

Just a dash of CINNA-NOM

Just a dash of CINNA-NOM


Broken Face Recipe: Mashed Tater Tart with Bacon and Caramelized Onions

In Food and Drink, Foodie Fun, Recipes On October 1, 2014 0 Comments

Did you actually think I was going to make it that long without finding ways to get bacon in my system? Please. This isn’t amateur hour.

So, this was inspired by my friend Kevin’s birthday. He fucking LOVES potatoes. I initially said I was going to bake a cake out of potatoes, but this was a lot easier and I had all the ingredients ready to go. Also I’ve been really excited to use my Flavorgod seasonings that came in the mail recently, so I’ve been doing more cooking. If you haven’t checked them out yet, I advise you do that – they’re great so far.

This tart is super simple to make, and it’s delicious. Would be great for entertaining, and for me, I just scraped off the top and swallowed the bacon and onions without chewing. I know, I’m a beast.

Open jaw as wide as possible, pass through gullet.

Open jaw as wide as possible, pass through gullet.

Mashed Tater Tart w/Bacon and Caramelized Onions

1 sheet Puff pastry, thawed

5-6 medium sized potatoes (FYI you will have some leftovers)

1 medium onion, sliced into rings 6 strips bacon, chopped into pieces

1/4 tsp Flavorgod lemon-garlic seasoning (nom!)

1 cup white cheddar, shredded

1/2 cup yellow cheddar, shredded

1 tsp salt (to taste)

1/2 cup heavy cream or half & half

2 tbsps butter

1. Peel and quarter potatoes. Bring to boil in a large pot. Once they are soft enough, drain them in a colander, pour back in the pot and add 1/2 cup of heavy cream or half & half, 2 tbsps butter, and 1/4 tsp of salt. Beat with a stand mixer or hand mixer. In case you haven’t figured this out yet, you’re making mashed potatoes. Set aside.

2. On medium-high heat, saute the bacon in a large pan until almost crisp. Add onion slices and cook on medium-low heat for roughly 20 minutes until they start to caramelize. Add the Flavorgod seasoning and mix around. Take a whiff. Mmmm.

Your apt will smell amazing

Your apt will smell amazing

3. While the bacon is cooking, you can do the puff pastry. Preheat oven to 375 degrees, and unroll the puff pastry sheet to the size of a 13×9 sheetpan. Or whatever size you have. I don’t give a fuck. Prick some holes in it to stop it from puffing up too much. It is PUFF pastry after all. Pop in the oven for 8-10 minutes, or until it’s a little puffy. You don’t want to cook it all the way because it’s going to go back in again after the toppings.

Little pricks.

Little pricks.

4.  Take 2 1/2 cups of the mashed potatoes and spread over the puff pastry. Add the bacon and caramelized onion mixture on top and spread around as well.

God bless the taters.

God bless the taters.

My dream bedspread looks like this

My dream bedspread looks like this

5. Pop back in the oven for another 10-15 mins until the edges start to slightly brown. The bacon will burn if you keep it in there too long also, just FYI. I happen to enjoy almost-burnt bacon, but most people don’t because they’re normal.

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Keep calm, NOM ON


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Broken Face Diet: Week 1

In Food and Drink, Foodie Fun On September 30, 2014 0 Comments

So as some of you may or may not know, I broke my jaw last weekend – I fell down a few stairs and faceplanted on my chin, consequently breaking my jaw on both sides and had a laceration in my ear. Got a nice new scar on my chin too. It’s fine. It’s a conversation starter.

The day after. Lookin good!

The day after. Lookin good!

Anyway. I don’t know how much you know about broken jaws, but…they are annoying. Fortunately, I’m one of the lucky ones who didn’t have to get it wired shut. Phew. I can’t open my mouth wide enough to fit it around a burger (sad) and I still have to obey a strict liquid/soft foods diet for 6 weeks (even sadder), and that is straight up torture. TORTURE. I’m a FOOD BLOGGER. I EAT FOR PLEASURE AND FOR THE GOOD OF MANKIND. Maybe that’s a stretch but at least for the good of my stomach.

One upside: I can drink alcohol! YAYYY EARLY ONSET ALCOHOLISM.



So. I thought I’d tell you a little bit about what I’ve been eating this past week. And what I did when I was a bridesmaid in my friends wedding on Saturday. Here are some of the things I consumed every day for the first week:

Soup. Lots of fucking soup.

Mashed potatoes.

Gravy. Fuck yea.

Frozen Yogurt.


Yes I put gravy in it’s own category. One night I just ate mashed potatoes and gravy for dinner. Like, a bowl of it. I didn’t hate it.

Also here’s a pic of my oatmeal that I made with brown sugar, cinnamon, smashed banana, and a dollop of peanut butter. Honestly, quite good.


At my friends wedding (CONGRATS ALEX AND RORY!), I was dunking pita chips in hummus and licking the hummus off of the chip. Then I ate guacamole with a spoon. It was sad and also hilarious because I’m sure everyone at the reception thought I was high. Then my dinner consisted of butternut squash soup and mashed potatoes. Good old mashed potatoes! They are becoming a staple. It’s like the Irish Potato Famine up in my apartment. AMIRITE?!


mid-hummus lick. #nothigh

And here I am drinking soup through a straw.

And here I am drinking soup through a straw.

Stay tuned for more on my sad diet. I’m going to make things interesting…


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Big Brunch at Ted’s Montana Grill

In Food and Drink, Reviews On September 23, 2014 0 Comments

Editors Note: This past weekend, The Skinny Pig took a bad fall down some steps and broke her jaw. She cannot eat solid food for 6 weeks, and because she’s feeling extra generous (or maybe it’s the medication), she will be giving away a gift card to Ted’s Montana Grill to one of her readers. As an added bonus, Ted’s is a big supporter of No Kid Hungry, a charitable campaign that is determined to help end childhood hunger, and when the lucky winner uses their gift card, The Skinny Pig will make a donation to No Kid Hungry. Everybody wins. Also The Skinny Pig is referring to herself in the third person because she can. And because Vicodin. How do you win? Check out my Instagram page and locate the Ted’s picture of the bison burger with the American Flag sticking out of the bun (above!) – the winner will be randomly selected from the “likes”. So if you didn’t like already, get on that! Easy enough, right? Godspeed. And read the review below…


Ok so…you know by now that I’m not much for chain-style restaurants. They’re usually a bit cheesy and not great in terms of food. However, there are a few places that hold a certain sentimental value, in which case I will make the exception. Ted’s Montana Grill in midtown is one of those places.

When I had my first job, it was essentially across the street from Ted’s on 51st and 6th. I used to frequent there on Friday’s with my old friends and just completely pig out. I’m talking burgers with bacon, BBQ sauce, ranch, onion rings on top, etc. The dishes are hearty, and every time I would go, I would pretty much fall asleep at my desk afterwards. It was great. So when I got approached with the new Brunch menu, I figured it was perfect: finally Ted’s can serve a meal where it’s not frowned upon to fall asleep after! So, we laced up our rain boots on that miserable Saturday afternoon, and saddled up to Ted’s. Bloody Mary’s with bacon were served promptly, and they were delicious. I’m a big Bloody fan, so adding bacon to it is just going right for my heart.

I can still have these!! Minus the bacon...

I can still have these!! Minus the bacon…

The brunch menu is a pretty large selection of artery clogging goodness (the way it should be), so we had some trouble deciding. First we started with the crabcake appetizer, which didn’t look like much, but it tasted very good. Nice big chunks of crab, and good guacamole served alongside of it. The food here wasn’t meant to be photographed, but I promise it tastes better than it looks.

Don't be CRABBY about it.

Don’t be CRABBY about it.

We settled on the burger and the huevos rancheros for our main courses. The burger was…insane. Honestly, it could have been cooked better (too well done), but it was still tasty. And messy. It was a bison burger topped with short rib (yay meat), horseradish cheddar cheese, mushrooms and horseradish sauce. Served with fries and an American Flag toothpick sticking out of the bun. Like, what else is there to say about that? Well done.

Clap for America.

Clap for America.

What a BEAST. God I miss meat already.

What a BEAST. God I miss meat already.

I’m not a big huevos rancheros fan, but I liked this one. I think it was missing something…maybe peppers? Again, I’m no expert on that, but it was still very good. Over-medium eggs served on top of fried tortillas, with black beans, avocado, tomato, queso fresco, salsa verde, and sour cream. Mmmm. I want that again with a big Bloody Mary on the side.

I would dive into this right now if I could..

I would dive into this right now if I could..

And speaking of on the side, we got a side of bacon. Because obviously. It was called “smoky bacon” but it tasted a bit sweet to me, almost like candied bacon. Not saying that’s bad, but it wasn’t what I expected. You could put bacon on a shoe and I’d eat it.

I will miss you, crunchy salty goodness.

I will miss you, crunchy salty goodness.

Overall I will say that this place isn’t for everyone – it’s a heavy meal and it’s in a touristy area (near Rock Center). That said, if you’re in the area with a friend and you’re famished, I’d recommend it. Plan on a nap after, and you’ll be good to go.


Ted’s Montana Grill

110 West 51st St (btwn 6th and 7th)

Website: Ted’s Montana Grill


Dinner at Sauce – An Instant Favorite

In Food and Drink, Reviews On September 8, 2014 0 Comments

There is so much I can say about Sauce, but the only word you need to retain here is this one:



Got it? It’s so damn good. Sauce is located on the LES and is one of the sister restaurants to Frank Restaurant in the East Village, and owned by Frank Prisinzano, aka the master of pasta and…well…sauce? Seriously every time I go to one of his restaurants, I fall in love all over again. The pasta is usually hand made, the sauce (or “gravy” as it is referred to sometimes) is amazing, and the ambiance usually makes you feel like you’re sitting in Nonna’s house waiting for Sunday supper. I don’t even have a Nonna but damn it I want one.

I always start with the garlic bread. It’s super cheesy and loaded with fresh garlic, broiled to bubbly hot perfection on thick Italian bread. Heads up: only one piece per order so if you’re on a date (and it’s perfect for that) make sure you get two. Sharing food is great and all, but I’ll be damned if someone tries to take half of my garlic bread.

(this pic is from Frank resto, but it's the same I swear)

(this pic is from Frank resto, but it’s the same I swear)

Also start with the burrata or straciatella. Or any form of mozzarella cheese they offer with tomato. They were out of burrata which was upsetting (SERIOUSLY LOOK AT IT), but they had stracciatella, which was also amazing. Stracciatella is like the inside of burrata – that super creamy, delicious part. This one was put in between two thick slices of tomato and topped with black sea salt. It’s…absolutely perfect.

I'm drooling again.

I’m drooling again.

The pastas, again, are handmade and oh so good. If you want to stick with the classic, that would be the pappardelle with “grandmother’s tomato gravy” and grass-fed beef bolognese. Honestly, my mom makes a great bolognese (and she’s not even Italian) but this one is pretty damn delicious too. I had the cavatelli pasta with tomato gravy and fresh ricotta on top. I love cavatelli pasta in any way, but this one in all it’s ricotta-topped glory was heaven. Cool ricotta cheese and hot pasta: it’s sexy and you know it. I couldn’t really move after this meal, but it was worth it.

I will love you forever, cavatelli.

I will love you forever, cavatelli.

There is plenty of the menu I still haven’t eaten at Sauce, so I assure you I will be back.



78 Rivington Street (corner of Allen)


Sauce dinner menu: Click here